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The CD Coming Out

This article is for the CD, not the Transsexual.

Okay, so you have weighed out all the consequences of coming out and are prepared to make this very life altering decision a reality.  Good for you. 

If you are like most transgendered people you wish you had done it before you became embroiled in a deeply emotional relationship with your partner.  Dont forget though that the reasons you didn't disclose in the first place are still there so you need to make sure you have considered all those and have solid explanations, not arguments but explanations for your deception.

There is no right time to do this but there are plenty of wrong times.  Only you know your relationship and its intricacies so it will be up to you to choose the time and place.  Just remember this is going to shatter your partner's view of you.

You need to be factual and totally honest about you.  Forget the usual misdirected arguments about you are still the same person you always were, and you became involved with me because of my sensitivities.  They are crap and your partner is going to make sure you hear that if you try them out.  Dont even think about going there.  Your relationship is forever changed the second you make your disclosure.

I would not suggest that you even consider doing this in a public setting no matter how intimate because it will end in disaster.  Your partner will not be able to freely react with the emotions she is feeling.  She may need to scream and yell and that will not go over in a five star restaurant.  She may need to leave to gather her thoughts.  Want to sit there alone after she storms out?

Okay so what is a good way?

Some have effectively used a letter because it allows them to gather their thoughts and put them down in advance.  It may or may not be well received.  Your SO might prefer to do things face to face.  If that is the case then you need to be prepared for "The Talk"  (This is an article written for your SO but will be of help to you.)  Many of the points listed are commonly expressed by partners of transgendered people and will help you in gathering your thoughts.  I am sure your SO will have other questions as well, but you can be sure that at least a few of these are going to be asked.

Now the question is how are YOU going to handle all this?  Are you going to become emotional or remain detached?  Are you prepared to make concessions in your relationship including separate sleeping arrangements?  You may have to.  The biggest mistake you can make is to force this on your partner.  Just because you have come clean doesn't mean you are out of the closet.  More likely you are in the dog house.  Your partner will decide what s/he will tolerate, not you.  It may take weeks or even months to arrive at some sort of agreement or you may find yourself living out of the back of your car.  Your partner is going to call the shots here so be prepared.

Good Luck!