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Being Transgendered; What does it mean?

Okay so let's start with it means you are you.  It doesn't mean you are a nut case, or some despicable sinner, or some sort of deviant.  You are none of these things.  You are a good person, sensitive to others, caring, helpful, like sports, like to have a good time, want some romance, good friends and a whole bunch of other stuff.  Is this any different than anyone else?  Of course not.

Being transgendered means that when your mom was pregnant with you, a few hormones got out of whack and caused a few genes to act a bit differently.  No biggie.  Really, it is no big deal.  You are part of a very exclusive club in the world so be proud of it; be proud of you.

I am not suggesting you should buy a ball gown and try for queen of the prom but just be you.  You dont have to push this down other peoples throats.  In fact it probably isn't a good idea unless you really want to cause a big stink.  I have always thought that being under the radar is best.  It is certainly safer and safety is always a big concern for us.

There are people who dont understand, who think that only their way is right, that we should be punished or whatever.  You dont know who they are.  They could be a friend from school, someone you have never met before, a parent; anyone.  So you need to be concerned for your own safety first and foremost.  So dont go putting yourself out there unless you know you are going to be safe.  I have known t-gurls and bois who have suffered violence because they were careless.  Some of us have been killed just because we are transgendered and believe me, it could happen to you.  BE SAFE; ALWAYS!

This means be safe with the law too.  Oh yeah, be careful.  Look you got your clothes right?  How did you get them?  Rip them off?  It is theft and it is against the law.  You can be arrested and sitting in a cell waiting to get out then Bubba comes along and beats the crap outta you because he heard you were gay or were wearing a dress.  NO ONE is going to protect you, not even the guards.  So, dont break the law.  It is that simple.  I was lucky, I never got caught.

So how do you get them?  Let's start with a little part time job.  Then take your coin to the Thrift Shop or Value Village and buy what you want.  They dont give a damn what you are buying or for who.  They want your money, plain and simple.  No they aren't going to make fun of you either because they want to keep their job.  Just be polite and respectful and you will have no problem.  If someone does make a joke you can either play along or ask to see their supervisor.  Remember, you have the money, you have the power.

When I was 16, I was buying my own lingerie in stores and thinking nothing of it.  In fact, today at one of my favourite boutiques, the manager knows me by name and whenever I go in she helps me if she is there.  Cant get better service than that can you? She knows I am going to drop some serious coin so of course she is going to help me.  She has even asked me about being transgendered and what it is like.  She is very sympathetic toward us.

Okay, so, you have your stash and now you have to hide it.  Well, ideally your parent(s) would know and support you but the chances are they dont so you need to make sure they dont find it.  That is all well and good, but what IF they do find it?  You need answers.  In the meantime maybe a gym bag stuffed in the back of your closet will work.  I cant tell you what is best, only you will have to figure it out.  Just be safe as always.  If you have an abusive parent then maybe someplace else outside the house is called for.

Going out.  Oh dont we all love to do that?  Get all dolled up and step out.  No problem but dont do it alone.  You cant fight in heels and if you are cornered you may have to fight.  Safety first okay?  I know an adult T-gurl who was seriously beaten up and put in the hospital because she got caught out alone at night.  Her attackers?  Women.  You just never know.

Okay, so where can you go?  Well I would first of all talk to a counsellor. there are a number of organizations for teens so use them.  Forget the guidance counsellor, they are full of it and forget your pastor.  Talk to your gay friends.  They will help you.  They know where the teen social clubs are that they can go to.  Join them.  Have some fun but be careful.

What you need to avoid are adults who want to "change you".  It wont work under any conditions or at any time.  You have this for life so you need to learn to live with it.  You need to be able to say this is who I am and be happy with that.

So what about that cutie of a lab partner.  Finally worked up the courage to ask her out and she said yes.  GOOD for you.  Enjoy your date.  Keep your secret though.  Teenage girls can be cruel beyond belief.  They can also be very supportive.  Dont come out until you KNOW she is going to accept you as you are.  If she cant accept you then move on. 

It isn't easy to find a girl who will accept this but they are out there and they just may be in the most unlikely of places.  Check out the rockers/punks?  A friend of mine is definitely a punk and she is also a big supporter of us.  Thing is you just never know.

The one big mistake we seem to make is to think that by getting married and taking a macho career it will cure us.  NOPE!  I cant stress enough how important it is to tell your partner about this as soon as it gets serious between you.  Dont make the mistakes I and millions of others made by hiding it from our partners.  They will find out eventually and it can get really messy when they do.  She will have been lied to for years and she wont understand and you will be out on your ass as fast as you can spell it.  The divorce rate among our group is horrendous.  Too many people get hurt because we weren't honest in the beginning.  The hell of it is that you will still love her and that will make it all the worse for you.  I was lucky, very lucky but even so, there are limits.

So what about work?  Well let's start with this.  Most companies dont want you to be out.  A few will accept it but they are very few and far between.  The F2M will likely get away with cross dressing to some degree at work but the M2F CD wont.  Even if they have a diversity policy, be careful.  If you need to dress 24/7 then it is likely you are more to the transsexual side than the crossdresser.  That presents a whole new set of problems and there is an article just for you.

If you want to send me an email, feel free to do so.  First though, understand that I keep emails for my own protection and I will not agree to meet with you unless your parent(s) are present.  Do not send pictures of any kind.  I dont want them.  Do not send anything with any kind of sexual content.  I will take it to the police.  There are no exceptions to this.  There are very few reasons I will agree to meet with you and your parents.  You can send an email through the "About Me" page if you have a question or a comment.