Transgender London

The Teen Transsexual.

Okay so you dont quite fit or relate to the CD. The big difference is that you KNOW your gender and sex are wrong. Dressing is not just something you do, it is your way of life. You hate your boy clothes and only want your girl clothes. You have to do your hair, nails and makeup. Maybe you cant but if you could that would be your choice. Being a boy is just not right, never was and never will be. You have known this from your earliest memories.

Maybe you have had thoughts about self mutilation, or suicide. Well hon, I have been there and totally can relate. Think twice. When things are that low, there is only one way to go and that is up. It isn't that there is no hope, it is that you have run out of tools to cope. Call the suicide hot line. Promise yourself to just give yourself 24 hours. I can assure you that something will have fallen into that bucket and hopefully you will have sought professional help as well.

I cant remember a time when I didn't know I was a girl. I have always felt this way from my earliest memories as a child. I learned to hide it underneath layers of crap I put up to protect myself from others. I lied to myself about it, trying to convince myself it wasn't true when I knew it was. I thought I had succeeded too. Eventually it came back to haunt me and I have paid a nasty price for it in a whole bunch of ways. So, hopefully you can take some of this to heart and not make the mistakes I did.

Get a Support System.

You cannot do this alone, no way, no how. Not even as adults can we manage this alone. Your parent(s) wont understand and may not support you in this but you need to be open with this because if you try to hide it the only one you are hurting is you. You need to understand that once your parents know they will go into denial, then when they see it is true they will begin to grieve because they lost their child, the one they had pinned all their hopes and dreams on. To them it is just the same as if you were killed in a car accident. That is how they will feel and you need to understand that and support them in their grief as best you can.

So let's assume they wont help you or support you. You have several options. You can stick it out and finish your education and live under the radar until you are on your own. You can leave and try to make it without an education, or you can maybe go begging to the social systems that they might help you but that only lasts until you are sixteen. These are options you have and I am not recommending one over another. Your safety, both mental and physical must come first. The one thing you must never lose sight of is that you are of value; to you. You have to be kind to yourself first.

Next you need to see your family doctor and tell him or her you are transsexual. The doctor cant say anything to anyone, not even your parents so your secret is safe. Ask for a referral to a psychiatrist who is experienced in dealing with gender issues. There aren't a lot of them but they are out there. There is NO shame in meeting a pdoc. In fact you will need it and on top of that s/he can be a very good nonjudgmental friend. When you first meet them you need to interview them. Find out what approach they take. A Humanist Existentialist approach works best. This means they treat the whole person not a symptom. Talk therapy is best. Ask if they have dealt with trans people before. If they say anything about treatment using behaviour modification, leave right then and there. Ask them about their opinions on transgender. Are they neutral or biased? Do they treat the gender issues or other issues in your life. If they treat gender issues, leave. Gender is not a problem, never was and never will be. It is all the other crap you have put up to protect your secret that makes you sad.

Look for a friend with whom you can talk openly and know that what is said will stay between you and go no farther. It could be a brother or sister or someone from school. It could be an adult. What matters is that when the chips are down they will listen to you without judging or giving bad advice. There are teen organizations you can call on who can offer help or emergency assistance if needed. Get to know them. They usually have professional counsellors. Keep in touch with your doctor.

There will be people who will try to talk you out of transition. Listen to them. They just may strike a chord of your own doubt. It is something you will have to reconcile for yourself.

Medications.

Okay let's get this one straight right from the beginning. No booze, no drugs of any kind without a prescription. You need to be perfectly healthy, especially if you want to transition down the road. Believe me, if you use, they WILL find out and you will not be allowed to transition. It is your choice: a little buzz now or a lot of heartache later. If you are given a prescription do not abuse it. Use it exactly as given.

If you learn nothing else from here learn this: NEVER SELF MEDICATE! It is dangerous to your health and can even cause death. Do not believe that hormone dosages given on the internet are what you can use. Only your doctor with proper blood tests can determine what is right for you. Same thing with herbals or bio-identicals. These are still drugs and in truth have little effect for transition. There is NO scientific evidence to back up claims of their effectiveness for transition. In fact to get enough out of them the dosages would be so high as to poison you to death.

The doctor may want to put you on medications. That is fine but educate yourself and learn all about them. Every drug manufacturer has a website and they provide all kinds of information about them. There are other organizations as well. Forget the personal websites. Still it is best for you if you dont have to take them. If you do, then make sure that you take them exactly as prescribed and dont miss; especially with SSRI Antidepressants. Miss a couple and you could very well have a psychotic break and hurt yourself or others or at the least put yourself in hospital. If you need to come off them then consult your doctor and get the info to do it properly. Even after you are off them, they are still in your system for 3 or more months.

If you aren't sure about the drug being prescribed then ask your pharmacist and ask your doctor again. The pharmacist knows more about the drugs than your doctor and is equally bound to privacy laws.

A Journal

This is something a lot of people ignore or worse, dont start. It can be invaluable to you and your doctors. It can be a source of comfort or information or both. I keep one and I read it over every once in a while to see where I have been and where I am now. My psychiatrist also has a copy because it helps her see what is going on in my head and we can talk about things I may have forgotten or where I may have slipped. It is a very personal account of your journey. You dont have to write every day but do write when things change or you have feelings either good or bad that you need to get out. It can be very therapeutic just to write them.

Get a Plan

If you take nothing else out of here please take this. You need to get yourself healthy both mentally and physically; first and foremost. If either is not up to par you will never go forward.

You need to make sure you can support yourself. If that means staying at home and in school then bite the bullet, share your pain with your pdoc and cry. But get your education. Without it you have little chance of transition. The government does not pay for it so it is all on your shoulders and can cost up to $60,000 or more over a period of time. How far you go is your choice but be aware, it isn't cheap or free. Some provinces pay for SRS but that is only about a third of the total cost of transition and only if you are a resident of that province. Ontario is not one of them.

Get into a career that you like and is going to allow you to transition. Most T-Gurls have to change careers when they transition so make sure you have all your bases covered. Make sure your skills are adaptable elsewhere.

Keep your support system but dont limit yourself to the trans community. Yes it is a part of your support but so can a lot of cisgendered people be equally supportive.

Map out where you want to go and set targets for achieving those goals. Then make sure you can meet them realistically.

It is all a part of your future so make sure you are educated and fully prepared for this change in your life. If you are not fully prepared you could be the statistic of another failed transition. So take your time and walk through it; not run. It is your life and you owe it to yourself to be absolutely certain you are on the right path. Once done you cannot go back so you need to be 100% certain before proceeding.

This site was last updated 08/11/10