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What Am I?

This has to be one of the most asked questions within the trans community.  "I am so confused, I dont know if I am a CD, a TG or a TS."

Okay, so let's start by some deep breathing and relaxation.  Then you can actually begin to sort this out.  The operative phrase here is YOU SORT THIS OUT!  No one else can do it for you and the reasons are within you.

First, your confusion is probably blown way out of proportion to begin with and this is why you need to relax.  If you are in a state of anxiety, then you cant evaluate things for yourself.  But this is only the beginning.  I want to suggest in the strongest of terms that if you are anxious, depressed or even suicidal, you need professional help.  In my opinion, anyone in our community can benefit from it regardless.

So, let me start by stating that this is about you; and more specifically your feelings.  I am not talking about feelings of joy or sadness, but rather your feelings about yourself and your gender.  Remember gender and sex are separate entities.  For instance, people who are gay can be very comfortable with their gender identity; that is their feeling of being male or female.  People in the trans community can also be this way but it is usually after they come to understand themselves - self acceptance.  In other words, you can be a part of the trans community and still be cisgendered.  Confused?  Dont be.  Dont confuse behaviours with feelings.  This is the route to asking this very question and getting yourself worked up about it.

First of all, enjoying the feeling of dressing up and going out (maybe just driving, a walk or possibly at an LGBT club or event) doesn't make you a transsexual.  Not at all.  Wanting to dress up everyday does not make you a transsexual.  Even dressing and living androgynously does not make you a transsexual.  You may even seem to be obsessed with it but that doesn't qualify you as TS.

The Transsexual knows (feels) that their gender and their sexual identity are at odds.  In other words, you might be male but your actual feelings are female.  You dont feel male in any way (other than what you have learned.  Most transsexuals have "learned" their sexual role as necessary for functioning in society.  This is done at great mental pain and often manifests itself with physical symptoms as well.  The short version of this is that it is nothing less than an anxiety disorder.  (Some in the psych community would disagree with this assessment but I and most in the trans community do not accept their positions.  The transsexual is not as concerned with dressing or makeup etc as they are with their gender role in the world around them.  Certainly, some need to dress etc is there but it isn't the overriding feeling that is lived.  The feeling of being female while having the male sex organs (or vice versa) is the cause for enormous stress.

The Transgenderist may also have some of these same feelings but they dont necessarily have the need to transition in whole or in part.  Still, they will live their lives in their true gender role; often in a nondescript way (androgyny).  The TG may seek hormonal treatment or not, but they will not have the need to seek reassignment surgery.  Of course this is a bit of an oversimplification but none the less, it is a general trait.

The Crossdresser may have feelings of anxiety as well, perhaps even some dysphoria however the CD will not want to transition.  The CD is quite comfortable with his or her sexual role and possibly gender role but does have the compulsion to crossdress and emulate their opposite sex. 

Faced with the choice of transition or not, the CD will not choose transition where the TS will openly seek it.  This is about as simple an analogy as can be thought of.  This isn't to say that all identified transsexuals will transition; they wont.  Many will not do so because of financial constraints or family relationships or even health issues.  Of the identified transsexuals, only a small number will actually be able to transition, however if the playing field were level, every TS would gladly undergo the surgery they so desperately need.

These are but a few very elementary examples of self definition.  The truth is that in order to truly understand one's own gender identity takes hard work; work done with a qualified and experienced therapist.  It is not an overnight revelation.  You man already know where you identify but this doesn't mean a therapist isn't necessary.  We have barriers we erect in our lives for self protection.  We need to be able to tear them down wherever possible and if not possible, understand our reasons that we keep them.  Only working with a qualified therapist can we discover the reasons for these barriers as well as our own actions.

Kimberley

January, 2009