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What If You Were Born Trans?

This website spends a lot of energy on reinforcing the biology of being trans then the sociological stances of arguing those who oppose us but not so much on the reality of being trans.

What if you as a cisgendered person were born trans?  Has that thought ever been considered?  What would that mean to you?  Ignore the often self imposed social exile of growing up, the seemingly endless purging, the deceit of dealing with partners or would be life partners, employers, friends and family because they don't or wouldn't understand; just where would that leave you?  How could you reconcile your spiritual beliefs in contrast to the dogma of the mainstream churches?  Certainly there are no easy answers here.

Living your life as a transgendered person is often very lonely, frustrating and more often than not, has no hope for transition that is needed.  The medical community is by and large ignorant of treatment protocols; that is assuming you can even find doctors willing to take you on.

Despite qualifications and experience, many transgendered people find themselves unemployed or unemployable once they "come out".  Certainly there are problems when dealing with the general public, a public who don't understand or accept the trans person and equally with coworkers, but the other side of the coin is the chronic anxiety and depression most transgendered people suffer.  It isn't easy for either the trans person or the employer.

So. back to the original question; What if YOU were born trans?  Would you divulge your "secret" as a young child? Young adult? Later in life?  Would you be able to keep it to your grave?  This is not a little white lie but a secret about the core of your existence; who you really are.

Transgender people often describe themselves as "being in the wrong body".  The only relief to that is to transition either wholly or in part to the correct gender the trans person needs; this to get the relief from the anxiety they suffer.  Again, that isn't possible for most due to a variety of reasons, but the question again is; How would you "handle" it?

For the majority of trans people, their lives are by necessity, "within the community".  This isn't healthy in the broader sense of social interaction but it is all too often the only place they can find unconditional acceptance.  Even there, that "unconditional acceptance" seems to have conditions.  So, a very very narrow selection of "friends" is maintained.  Equally unfortunate is that these friends are often virtual.

I frequently get letters from spouses and partners asking what they should do.  I have no answers for that except either empathize or leave.  Really there are no other choices.  If you stay in the relationship then you are by virtue of your presence, supporting your trans partner.  S/he will not change; cannot change.  The question is, can you accept the change you have recently discovered.  If you cant do this then it has to be option 2.  Certainly there can be some "wiggle room" to avoid a separation but it is difficult, and frequently the negotiated conditions cant be lived.

I have also wondered how these people who claim it is a "choice" could live for a month in their opposite to birth gender.  Okay, so cut the hair, put away the panties, lace etc and don the complete male attire.  No relaxing baths, five minute shower and out.  Home from work then cut lawns, fix things, etc.  Yours is the only income or must be the primary income.  You have to pay the bills, mortgage etc.  You cant watch "your shows" but now must focus on sports, news etc.  Your daily life means using the "men's room", discussing yesterday's game and prophesying the results of next week's game.  You have to play the political game with the boys at work to get things done that you need to do and there is always someone standing in your way or ready to help toss you into a pit just to further their own career.  After work is beer and wings during happy hour; not the sweet stuff but the ones that will rip you a new one tomorrow.

Now try it for a year, five years, a lifetime.  Need Prozac yet?   Oh, and don't forget, it is all a secret you cant share with anyone.  I guess what I am driving at is "Walk a mile in my shoes."  I sincerely doubt most people would last a week; even if they were willing.

The fact is that this is more often than not the life of a transgendered person.  The facade is real and it is complete.  It is most often completely hidden from everyone.  It isn't about sex or love although often the transgendered person is in love with a partner and of course sex is a part of that relationship.  It isn't about the clothing, makeup or jewellery.  It is about being the person they were meant to be and cant, except for rare moments in secrecy.  It is about hiding, fear and anxiety.  It is about being very alone.

The good news is that it can change and transition is that change.  Transition also requires a pot of gold because it isn't cheap.  Transition requires courage to face the adversity that is certain.  It most often means giving up everything one holds dear in order to be true to who you are.  Obviously rebuilding a life is easier for the younger trans person.  For the older person there is often little choice except to continue to suffer and pray for an early end.  In either case, all too often that early end is sadly, by one's own hand.  It is not a solution and the devastation it can leave behind is just as often not considered.  My question is simple:  Why should this be necessary?

Now, "What if you were born transgendered?"

Kimberley

July 2010