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Transgender London |
The Family that Stays Together...I recently read an article written by Dr. Jenny Boylan, a well published and respected professor and author, that dealt with her family and its changes from her first beginnings of transition. In the article published in the New York Times, she commented that her partner stayed with her, and this while in and of itself is remarkable although not rare, she spoke directly to the reason for their marriage in the first place; love. There can be no better reason to learn to adapt to the changes of a partner, that is of course assuming the cisgendered partner is willing to try. While she only briefly touched on the relationship with her partner, the real focus of her article was on their two male children. Boylan divulges that the children grew up with her in transition and so were and remain more accepting. She attributes some of this to involving the children in her transition. However, she also expresses her continuing fears of insecurity regarding the boys as they relate to her own situation. It is very self revealing; something for which she is not unknown. The point she makes in the end is that she and her partner's devotion as parents is focused on parenting. It is something many both inside the trans community and without could take note of. Her concerns are no different than any other parent but she also recognizes the external effects of their not being a traditional nuclear family in the sense of appearance. That appearance actually hides the truth. That truth is what makes their marriage and family not only grow, but thrive. It is her honest concern and love for the family that truly keeps it together. It is a family bound by love. She is a parent who just happens to be a transitioned male to female transsexual; not the other way around. It is this writer's opinion that we could all take a lesson from Boylan. Her commentary, although relating to her specific family and the situation she has placed them in, is truly secondary to the example she and her partner set for others. Yes, their family is different but only on the surface. Deep down, she shows the profound caring of any concerned parent as she guides their children through their formative years. She demonstrates her parenting skills and approach as she talks about issues her children are having as they grow and her willingness to be open and honest as she and her partner guides them toward making good choices for themselves. Boylan doesn't try to present her family as the Cleever's (that 50's television model) but as a family with faults that is willing to work together toward staying together. She emphasizes the need for open and honest communication that includes a lot of listening and trying to understand. It is a recipe for success. The family that stays together; works at it. Kimberley April 2009 |
This site was last updated 08/11/10